


Cassette

by dansunedisco



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Crack Pairings, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, M/M, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 12:36:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/698301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dansunedisco/pseuds/dansunedisco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ebisu. Kakashi. Just two ninjas living together. If you know what I mean... Crack!Fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cassette

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a long, long time ago. I think it was written for a prompt. At the time, I thought the subject was too weird to throw out there. It's not my favorite piece I've ever written, but it's definitely different from what I'm used to and not meant to be taken seriously in any way. So I figured 'what the hell' and here I am uploading it. Hope you enjoy!

"So."  
  
"So?"  
  
"The weather has been exceptional today."  
  
A drawn out sign and then: "Just put the cassette in, Ebisu."  
  
He did as he was told with a reluctant sigh and picked up the remote control on his way back to the couch. Kakashi had his arms slung over the back of it, and his feet were propped up on Ebisu's almost brand-new coffee table. Ebisu was about to comment on proper etiquette (such as not ruining coffee the table when it wasn't your own), but thought that what they were about to do was properly bad enough.  
  
Familiar music began to pump out through the television's speakers as the title sequence flickered across the screen There was no need to tack anything on to the list. So he said nothing and instead turned the VCR on. Lots of bass and thumping and sounds that made him pray to god that his curtains were shut. Not that curtains did much to keep noise from getting in or out, for that matter. Kakashi shifted next to him and Ebisu wondered, very briefly, if he was going to go to hell for this. He wanted to squeeze his eyes shut,  but his eyes were glued to the television nonetheless. Glued to the dirty, dirty copulation going on. There was nothing wrong with watching hardcore porn with a colleague, he thought. Except that it was absolutely first first-class ticket to an afterlife filled with suffering.  
  
"Okay then. I'm hard now."  
  
Ebisu nodded his head. He was aroused as well, but it didn't mean he would verbalize it. And it didn't take much, honestly--a bit of tits here, some money shots there. And the new video sure did a good job of those two things. He knew the drill and began to untie his sweatpants' strings (he was in the habit of keeping them in a little loop, just because).  
  
The next part was always the hardest one. Putting a hand down another man's pants always gave for pause. But before he could do it himself, Kakashi grabbed his wrist and shoved his hand into his boxers. Ebisu attempted to give him a cross look, but Kakashi carefully plucked his glasses from his face before he could. His eyesight wasn't completely shot, but going from sharp to blurred was distraction enough.  
  
Soon enough, the music and the moaning from the television spurred his hand into moving. It was both embarrassing and exhilarating and it was probably the only reason why he'd ever consented to doing it.  
  
Porn got stale after a while. There was only so much anal and bondage and threesomes and orgies a guy could watch before it all made him yawn. But whacking off another guy, whacking off one another, whacking off together--now that stuff was something new. It was taboo. He'd probably strangle himself if anyone found out. And it made him unbearably turned on. Ebisu's been around long enough to know that everyone is a little twisted, one way or another.  
  
It was strange to be working away on another penis, a warm body pressed against his side. Ebisu had to say that the foreign-yet-not-quite feeling was the best part. He could hear Kakashi's breathing pick up speed, and from the corner of his eye saw him tilt his head back a fraction. Porn got stale, but he hoped their weird, dirty mutual masturbation Fridays never would. Kakashi made no move to reciprocate the favor yet, but Ebisu thought he'd be able to finish without it.  
  
"Thinking about coming in your pants again?" Kakashi said blandly.  
  
If Ebisu weren't there, stroking Kakasho's penis, he never would have guessed that the guy was getting a handjob. It was, quite frankly, a little insulting.  
  
"Maybe," he said. "But don't you dare lift a hand to help or anything."  
  
Kakashi sighed again and slid his hands over Ebisu's covered erection, then slowly inched between skin and clothes. Ebisu's breath hitched at the touch and he turned back to the television he couldn't really make out. He squinted. There were beige blobs rocking back and forth in the blurry black box, but he could hear the scene play out perfectly well.  
  
The moans coming from the television increased in volume and in frequency just as Kakashi's elbow started to twist into his ribs and he remembered, almost casually, that Konohamaru and he have a training session in thirty minutes. And that if he ever wanted to keep a shred of dignity--go home, shower, change--then he needed to finish fast. He screwed his eyes shut and went through a rapid-fire series of things that usual got the job done: girl-Naruto, the cash register girl on her knees, a little bit of him on his knees, maybe some Kakashi above him... Ebisu groaned.  
  
"Over so soon?" said Kakashi.  
  
Kakashi's hand was still down his pants, but his was no longer down Kakashi's.  
  
Ebisu exhaled. "I need to meet Konohamaru in a little bit, I thought I would hurry things along."  
  
Kakashi pulled his pants up over his hips. "Good thinking. The video wasn't doing anything for me."  
  
Ebisu'd thought it was pretty decent. From what he'd seen of it, anyway. "Then return it."  
  
"I don't think it's my turn..."  
  
"No, I did it last week." Ebisu crossed his arms across his chest for extra emphasis. "Hand me my glasses, please."  
  
Kakashi did so.  
  
Ebisu stood and yanked his sweatpants up, tying the strings in a loop once again. "Have the dishes done by the time I get back. You're a horrible roommate." He cleared his throat and continued. "But I'll pick up another video on the way home."  
  
Kakashi looked thoughtful for a moment then said, "You should use Iruka's name when you do."  
  
Ebisu ignored the fact that Kakashi ignored his request for dish-washing. "Maybe sign him up for... monthly volumes of donkey porn?"  
  
"And _this_ is why they put the 'special' in front of 'special jounin'."


End file.
